Parenting

 Parenting…what’s the right way to do it? It’s a complicated question with a complicated answer. And it usually something that parents really start figuring out once their kids are leaving the house. So what can we do right now to be better parents while kids are still young?

Personally, I feel really unqualified to be writing about parenting because I’m not a parent. At least yet anyway. I’m still a few years away from that, but it’s nice to at least spend time thinking about better ways to parent before you actually are, right?

In class, we talked about the purpose of parenting is. What do you think? I, personally, think that the purpose of parenting is to not only raise them to be happy, responsible, kind adults, but also to learn to love unconditionally. I believe our purpose in life is to become more like God and Jesus Christ. The best way to learn to become like God is to be a parent. Being a parent involves (sometimes, not always) creating life. It is learning to be patient, humble, and learning to love unconditionally. It also means learning to be less selfish and putting someone else’s needs before yours. (However, it is also important to take care of yourself, too. You need to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. So keep your tank as full as possible. Your kids will thank you. I know when my mom started getting into her hobbies again when we got older, she was much happier. I could tell and your kids will be able to tell, too.)

I had a really good conversation with my husband today about parenting techniques. I am also taking a parenting class and we have talked about similar things in both classes. One of the things we watched in preparation for this class is the need for Vitamin N. Kids need to hear the word no. In this conversation with my husband, I was talking to him about love being the most important and influential thing we can give our kids. He was worried that my philosophy was “too soft”, so I told him about this video and the need for parents to tell their kids no sometimes. If parents don’t tell their kids no, then it is likely the child won’t take care of the things they have. They are less likely to get along with other kids because they have always been told yes and been given everything they want. Parents are wanting their kids to feel loved, but sometimes saying no is just as loving as saying yes. This only teaches them to whine and groan for things instead of working for it themselves. According to the research, this could be a reason depression rates are so much higher in kids now than it used to be in the ’50s. Working hard for things is a much more fulfilling way to get things than for parents to just give their kids everything they ask for.

One other really important thing we talked about is the need for contact/connection. All people need contact or connection with other people, but this is especially true for kids. This helps kids (and others) to feel heard and seen. Kids will grow up to remember the people who made that connection with them. It seems like kids act out at times because of a lack of contact or connection. Our teacher shared a story about a boy he was able to connect with in his life. The boy annoyed his siblings a lot, but after he had contact with someone who was truly there to listen and care, his siblings said he became less annoying and didn’t “bother” them as much. It’s amazing how much caring and showing interest in someone can change them.