Dating and Marriage

 

This week was a fun week in class. It was definitely less heavy material than the previous couple of weeks.

This week’s topic was…DATING!

So what is dating? Is it getting to know the other person? Is it getting to know yourself? Is it just to have fun? What does it look like? Is it hanging out with one person or a group of people? Is it talking for a little while and then becoming exclusive? How has dating changed in the last twenty years?

Dating to me is a combination of all of those things above. It’s getting to know yourself, the other person and having fun with other people. I have always dated by knowing the person a little bit before and then we would just start doing more and more things together. The word was never really used until I met my husband. When we first started “talking”, we lived 16 hours away from each other. He lived in Idaho and I lived in Nebraska. I think I mentioned this in my very first post, but my husband and I met while we were serving our missions for our church. He messaged me because he thought I was up in Idaho at the same time as him. So I guess when we first started dating we had facetime dates. He would sit and eat his dinner and I would sit and eat mine. We got the chance to talk about a lot of things, but that’s not the same as getting to do things with him. After a few months, we broke up because I didn’t know what I wanted and only talking on facetime got really boring. We didn’t have much to talk about anymore.

That is one of the main things we talked about in class – how to properly date. This is advice a lot of college students, especially at my school, are interested in. So what is the best way to date?

1.      It should be planned.

2.      It should be paid for. (Doesn’t have to be expensive, this is the least important to me because there are a lot of fun dates that don’t cost any money.)

3.      It should be paired off.

We talked a lot in class about going out and doing a variety of activities while dating especially once you have become exclusive with someone. You need to get to know that person in more ways than just making dinner and doing homework together. A lot of college students do that. My husband and I never really did a lot of homework together before we got married. We love trying different restaurants, so we would go out to eat a lot. I’m a homebody, so I’m okay not doing a lot of different types of dates, but now that I’m married, I think it would be really fun to get out of the house and try some new things with my husband. Maybe that has to do with quarantine. But going out and doing different activities together is a goal my husband and I made this week, so we can have more fun together. We work and are in school, so we don’t have a ton of time, but it’s important to us to make time for each other.

My parents taught me growing up that you never stop dating your spouse. My parents went on a date every Friday night. They almost never missed a date. At least from what I can remember. They had my older sisters pretty young and my dad was in school, so they might not have always had a babysitter when they were young. But they made dating each other a priority, and I have done the same thing with my husband. We have a date budget and we schedule it when we have time each week. It’s not always on the same day each week because of work, but we make it happen.

One more thing I wanted to talk about was current dating trends vs. traditional dating trends.

Current trends: “no wasted date” meaning people who have the attitude to not waste money on another man’s wife, passion-based, “playing house”, negotiation for marriage, followed by a Facebook post, wedding planning.

Traditional: casual friendships first, connections over time, courtship=trial, the genuine proposal of marriage, engagement period.

This is a good place to add the steps in dating.

Step 1: Dating (causal and with lots of different people)

Step 2: Courtship (focused on one person)

Step 3: Engagement

Step 4: Marriage

I think we should get back to focusing on these steps, especially getting the first two right. I dated a few guys before and even while I was dating my husband. And you know what? I figured out what traits I liked and what I didn’t like without being in exclusive relationships and putting all my eggs in one basket.

I guess, to sum up everything from this week, I would say to take your time while dating. You do not have to rush anything. It’s actually better if you don’t rush things! Go on a lot of different dates with different activities and different people. You will learn about them and yourself. And lastly, once you get married (if you choose to), don’t stop dating them! Keep having fun!