What's the Right Family Size?

We have officially started the learning for the semester! We have gotten through the syllabus week and opened up the books. This week in my class, we talked a lot about being able to read through research and determine what is reliable information and what research could use some work. We also have discussed a little bit about family trends. Are homosexual parents just as good as heterosexual parents? How do the two types of relationships affect the kids in those families?

Personally, I am not sure. I need to go through more research to find the most reliable and current data. I believe that most people have the potential to be really great parents!

But today, the topic I really want to write about is something my husband and I have talked about a lot. How many kids should we have? This is such a personal question. When you get married, eventually people start asking, "when are you two having kids?" and the answer is: whenever you two decide it is the right time. 

People have asked me so many times how many kids I want. When I was younger I really wanted three kids. You want to know why? Because then we could fit in almost any car! I was a very practical child. My husband comes from a family with 8 kids. One of my worries, when were dating, was that he was going to want a lot of kids, too. I, however, do not ever want to have 8 kids. (If my in-laws ever read this, I think y'all are angels for having eight kids.) So I needed to have that conversation with him to know what he wanted. Every time I asked him, he would say, "however many God wants me to have". That's actually a pretty good answer, but a little scary to me because I am positive my absolute max is four kids. I really hope God doesn't want to have more than that. But luckily, He cares about what we want, too. 

So I guess to my real point. Your family timing and size is between you, your spouse, and God. No one else needs to be in that decision. Heavenly Father LOVES families. He truly does. He put us here on earth in families for a reason. This is how he wants us to grow and learn. Your grandma may ask, your great-grandma may ask, the lady next door may ask, and it may come up in random conversations. (Don’t get mad though, sometimes people just use it as a conversation started because they don’t know you that well.) It’s okay to tell them you don’t know. It’s okay to tell them exactly what your plan is. With how this year has been going, I haven’t really given much thought to when I really want to start having kids. I know I really want them, and I will love them when they come. When that is, I don’t know.

Another thing I have considered when thinking about how many kids is the right amount is how much money my husband and I will be making. I was talking with a friend one day and she asked me how many kids I wanted one day. I said four (I like the even number and they would each have a buddy). I asked her what she thought and I really had never heard anyone say this. But she said, “depends on how much money I’m making.” I think about money a lot. I like having a lot of wiggle room in case something happens. So this answer was my dream. I didn’t even know that could be an answer. (At 17, I really should have, but we aren’t going to talk about that.) Now, my answer to how many kids I want to have is: I don’t know. And that’s okay.

I guess my full message at this point is the decision about when and how many kids to have is up to you and your spouse and God. It’s a very personal decision, so don’t let anyone pressure you.

(It’s also okay if you never want to have kids. That is for you to decide, not me to tell you what to do 😊 )